Well...this was a big one...
The need to be needed.
Subtly hidden for so long within my depths...cleverly disguised as legitimate.
But it isn't...and I'll tell you why.
We all have legitimate needs; they are essential to our safety and well-being; but capable and well functioning adults are able to meet them for themselves.
There are others who are dependent on capable and functioning adults, such as infants and children, the disabled or enfeebled, the injured or otherwise incapacitated, women who may be heavily pregnant or birthing - these people have needs they may not be able to fulfil themselves.
And so someone else will have to fulfil them.
Yet when it comes to our own legitimate needs, we forget sometimes, in our imperfections, in places where we have given our power away, or feel we may have lost it...that we, as adults, are capable of meeting them ourselves.
Even if it may challenge us, and make us feel afraid...the growth always happens pushing ourselves to fulfil them.
Every legitimate need within us that we don't feel capable of meeting, and the reasons are unconscious until we bring them to the light...is met with denial...a denial that the need actually exists, to avoid the pain of it not being met, or the fear around perhaps not being able to meet it.
This happens a lot when we are infants and children, because our parents or caregivers, being imperfect, were not able to meet us in those instances that we felt we needed them...and for an infant or child, every legitimate need is a requirement for survival;
And so the stage has been set; the legitimate need gets buried in denial, to avoid the fear and pain of our imagined destruction (though in some cases, the threat may have been very real).
The denial must lead to a compulsion, a distortion in behaviour resulting from a distortion in belief, in consciousness.
The compulsion masks the pain otherwise deeply hidden; they are actions taken unconsciously, yet that we feel are completely necessary for our wellbeing.
When the compulsion is disrupted, in a less conscious person, it must result in frustration, because the compulsion exists to fulfil a substitute-need now illegitimately projected onto the present, and that must mask the pain of the long buried need.
Continued frustration, in a less conscious person, must ultimately result in anger, for anger is a response to fear, and the fear is of the surfacing of an otherwise unconscious denial of a need long since forgotten, and the pain that lies buried within it.
Illegitimate anger, leads to guilt, and the guilt, must lead to confusion...because all of this lies in the unconscious, the shadow, and by then, we cannot remember why we did these things in the first place.
We bury those needs...we bury them deep...and then we project them out onto others to fulfil in the present.
Fortunately, as adults, we can bring this into the light and heal...become whole.
We can be conscious, and recognise the signs, and prevent our downward slide into darkness.
This is the shadow work.
Something we all must be doing...now.
So how about this one? The need to be needed.
It makes us feel so good to be needed, right?
It makes us feel valued...valid.
Everyone wants to be wanted...true.
But we need to value ourselves first.
Unconsciously imposing yourself onto others, because you want them to need you, to validate you, isn't healthy...not for you...not for them.
Creating a need, or (innocently perhaps) unconsciously trying to in another, can only disempower them, and ultimately you, for neither of you would be in truth...should you succeed in imposing it on them;
And if you are not in truth, you can't be in a place of true love....for neither of you would be free; particularly as adults where we are all capable of meeting our own.
Let them grow in their own power (they truly want to); and own the legitimate need that you have denied in yourself, so that you may grow in yours.
Who needs you?
You need you (and of course the vulnerable already mentioned).
But you need you.
As an adult...you need you.
To show up, for you.
This is what self-love is.
And in your own fullness, only then can you authentically shine on another.
I didn't realise how much I loved being needed...to feel valued and whole...the need to be needed.
I didn't realise how much I needed myself 😊
It took a jolt of loves power to show me the truth.
When you truly give love...it comes from the heart.
But investigate yourself carefully...even though your intentions may be sincere...
Consciousness always has a location, and the need to be needed, projected as love, always comes from a lower location.
Find it...feel it...seek it out...give it to yourself first.
So that you may truly love another.
The one, who can meet you 💚
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Be gentle on yourself when you work on your shadow, but take responsibility...be humble.
Be kind and compassionate.
Forgive yourself as you would another, for there is no need to carry its weight anymore.
And remember, that you are beautiful...and more wondrous than you know.
May all beings, be healthy, happy and free.
May your unfoldment be ever fruitful,
D
